"Yeah, so I'm going to be difficult."

One of the challenges I face living with my heart condition is eating out. My cardiologist, Dr. Lana Tsao, advised (more like directed or ordered) me to keep my sodium intake below 1400mg per day. I doubt that number means much to most people, but take a walk down the isles of the grocery store sometime and read food labels - 1400mg is not a lot of sodium. It's difficult to find food I can buy and make for myself, which makes going out to dinner at times seemingly impossible.

When first diagnosed with my condition and first placed on the "salt is the devil" diet, I became terrified of eating out. There are not a lot of meals available in a restaurant setting that contain less than 1400mg of sodium, so with that as my daily ceiling, I almost entirely ruled out the possibility of dining out. Fortunately, with the help of my roommate, Lauren, and the notion that I might want to actually have a date or something sometime again in my life, I mustered up the courage to give it a go. It wasn't and still isn't easy for me, but happily it's become an enjoyable experience for me.

The first obstacle I had to circumnavigate was fear. I was fearful of what would happen to me if I had too much sodium - because of my condition I'm prone to retaining water; intaking too much sodium increases water retention, which leads to an enlarged heart, which leads to water instead of blood pumping through my veins, which leads to heart failure. Hopefully that statement illustrates the origins of my fear, though truth be told I would have to go on a serious Chinese take-out binge for a worst-case scenario result to ensue.

Next I had to overcome embarrassment. Through the Spring of 2009, I told few people about my condition, so announcing it to a server at a restaurant by modifying the dish I ordered and asking for no salt to be used on it was not a statement I was excited to make. It felt awkward the first few times, but like other aspects of my new life, I adjusted to it. At times I might also feel embarrassed ordering in such a manner in front of others. If they didn't know about my condition beforehand, I kinda had to explain it to them then. Thankfully, most people, whether friends, acquaintances or interests, react to it supportively. And frankly, those who don't can kiss my ass.

Lastly, I had to overcome the odd feeling that I was making life difficult for those trying to serve me. I felt uncomfortable asking for the accommodations to a meal because I didn't like asking a chef to alter his creation or asking a server to be responsible for remembering and communicating more than the usual information. But ultimately, I was able to see if this way - by patroning a restaurant I am paying for their service just as much if not more so than the food, so I shouldn't feel bad asking for them to prepare my meal as I need it to be prepared.

So yeah, eating out can be difficult. And I still probably apologize to my server more than I need. But thankfully it's a piece of a "normal" life that, with time, I've been able to reclaim.