Being broke on Valentine's Day is worse than being single.

I'd have loved nothing more than to spoil my girlfriend lavishly on Valentine's Day. Thankfully, we're both fairly reasonable about such things and I was under no pressure to do so, but still, it would have been nice. It would have made me happy, made me feel special, to do something grand for her. Unfortunately, economics prevented that from happening. As a result of my professional floundering since I decided to pursue a graduate degree as s full-time student, I have the means to get by and not much more...

I'm an autonomous person. I like that about myself. Growing up I was forced to figure most things out on my own. There's a sense of accomplishment associated with knowing that. Unfortunately, I've stumbled at various points in my life and, especially professionally, taken several backwards steps in the last few years. I progress to a point, and then I don't know what comes next. I'm a cerebral person and worry about making the "right" decision instead of listening to my gut and making a decision based on what I want...

I lack for mentors in my life right now. I've lacked for mentors or role models through most of my life. Even when I had great mentors, I'm not sure I succeeded at learning as much as I could have from them...

I don't like "networking" - at least not how it's interpreted and carried out. During grad school, several of my professors harped on networking as a means to getting ahead, but it was clear that they're emphasis was not on  professional collaboration and the sharing of ideas. No, they were insisting that we network for the sake of preserving the culture of nepotism I've found can dominate a region...

This is the third time I've written this post. I'm not sure what my intent for it when I started was any more. It started out of financial frustration on Valentine's Day and somehow became about what I fear may be at the root of that frustration - my inability to not shoot myself in the foot...

I'm adamant about not giving in to the culture of nepotism - homey don't play that game! Yet it's been suggested to me that there are ways to reach out to potential mentors in my field for the sake of learning from them, broadening my knowledge base, and figuring out what comes next. It feels awkward to admit it, but that's not a bad idea...

Let's bring this back to the start. I found it more upsetting being broke than being single on Valentine's Day. But just as someone who might be upset to be alone on V-Day - though why it would be worse to be single on February 14th than February 15th, or necessarily a bad thing to be single at all, is beyond me - I'm not powerless to do something about it no matter how much so it feels that I am. I still refuse to "network," but I see how making an effort to build a network can help me get better and learn how to take a step forward for a change. Whether or not I can figure out how to do that remains to be seen...